No Kids: A Couple’s Decision No Kids: A Couple’s Decision

No Kids: A Couple’s Decision

Couples 2 August, 2016 María Alejandra Tavera


It has become increasingly common to come upon marriages that decide to live their lives without children in order to follow other dreams or other goals, a challenge for a conservative society.

Lucía Náder, Guest Psychologist.

There are many reasons to not have children including: overpopulation, the devastation of natural resources, the growing rumor of a war that will put an end to everything, hunger, or diseases that arise from some strange town on the map and end up getting spread around the globe. There are more reasons still, and many new couples know their reasons for not having kids by heart, they also do not want to follow the religious tradition that says man and women are to join together to populate the earth.

Today there is an abundant number of couples that choose to not have kids, a decision that is sometimes difficult to explain, as our conservative society still believes that the purpose of a marriage is not met if children are not involved, or that it they will not be as happy without them. These are paradigms, or models that are followed, which are sometimes difficult to ignore.

Lucía Náder, clinical psychologist and family and couple’s therapy expert, explains that this is a very modern and non-traditional stance. “As of about a decade ago, the majority of couples that began to form, did it in order to have an experience as a couple. The motivation was no longer children. Today, men and women want to have a life plan in company of one another, they want to grow together and to have a long journey in life, but they don’t want to have kids.”

It is not easy for them or for those that surround them. Family pressure and pressure from friends begin, for example when a recently married couple is asked, “When are we going to meet your firstborn?”

Today, there are groups of men and women called “the unpaired;” they are characterized mainly by choosing a life of their own, they do not want commitment, a significant other, deep affective relationships, nor do they want to have kids.

There are also homosexual couples, some of which decide to have children either through insemination, in vitro fertilization or through adoption, an issue that for this community and for society is slowly getting resolved.

They Take Their Time

Nevertheless, sometimes the decision is temporary. They may hold off having kids, Náder says, because they want to accomplish other things: greater financial security, more fun and when they reach adulthood, they decide to take on parenthood. They may encounter physical challenges however, and as a result may seek treatment at a human fertility clinic that are constantly improving and are very specialized.

This tendency, which in Colombia has gained momentum as of a decade ago, is old news in other countries. “We now see that there are countries that do not have the population to replace them with and have a very small young population. Some years ago in Sweden, the women decided to not have children and many men left to find women in other countries that did want to have them,” the expert tells, adding the case of Canada, which develops more and more programs to receive young people who represent the workforce.

The majority of couples that decide to not have kids range between 28 and 40 years old, a productive age in which they do not have the unconscious whim of feverish youth, nor the regrets of a mature adult, “There are many people who don’t want to have kids. One of many reasons is due to the financial load. They say, ‘it is beyond our financial capabilities to raise a child.’ Others do not want to sacrifice their easy-going and peaceful life, even if they have a partner who is stable in many areas of life. Now, how to deal with outside pressure? By being firm and assertive. By saying: We don’t want to have children,” the psychologist recommends •

 

The majority of couples that decide

to not have kids are between 28 and 40 years old, a productive age. They have other priorities such as traveling or having an easy-going life.

Is having a pet the same as having a child?

By scanning through social networks, it is easy to find them: dogs in costumes, cats who dominate the ownership of huge beds, and underneath the image in the comments area is, “My little one. My baby.” Pets have turned into new members of the family; but these aren’t facts or situations that we should get used to, psychologist Lucía Náder explains. Some people say that if they can raise a pet, then why can’t they raise a child? “The two are very different,” the specialist adds. She explains that while they do merit special care, a pet does not represent the level of affective, educational, upbringing and financial responsibilities of a child. Seeing your child grow up healthy, well, happy and as decent human beings is more than a dream for all mothers or fathers. Seeing them go to college, for example is a great challenge and in order for that to happen, it is important to have the right financial situation and a lot of encouragement.