The Conscious Decision of Living Alone The Conscious Decision of Living Alone

Currently many women choose this option from a positive point of view, aspiring for self-knowledge and amplifying their motivations in life.

Medical Advisor Jaime Adams Dueñas
MD Psychiatrist, practitioner at Coomeva Private Healthcare

Some people associate solitude with anguish, depression and isolation.  For others, nevertheless, it is an opportunity for growth. Many women who choose the option of voluntary solitude are under this latter perception; they have it in their mind that this does not deprive them of establishing emotional connections or of leading a full existence.

This endeavor, albeit, must be a conscious one, analyzed from a well-oriented autonomy,” is what Psychiatrist Jaime Adams Dueñas considers. “They make this decision in order to direct their lives. It is a choice they make because they wish to find themselves.”

So, How does one make the decision without anguish? Adams Dueñas adds the complementary statement that when one undertakes this path with the idea of taking control of one’s existence, there is an impact of wellbeing, of happiness because one wishes to experiment and find new ways to progress. The Psychiatrist talks of the positive effects of the process of living alone: the first of which is freedom that allows her in the intimacy of her home to be more creative as she can now put into practice actions that she has always wanted to implement, such as the administration of her finances, or the undertaking of a professional challenge; the second and very important one is self-development, as sometimes a woman feels pressure from the outside concerning what she must do and this situation of  chosen solitude makes it easier to be herself. “There are women,” he adds, “who even give this decision a spiritual tinge, as they open up a space for reflection to find the meaning of their lives.”

Confronting Old Ideas

For some, the most complex issue of the process is coming to terms with what family, friends or society will say about the way of life they have chosen outside the bounds of conventional ideas. Adams Dueñas explains that, in general, women who incline toward this decision are 30, 40 or 50 years of age. Their state of maturity allows them to be certain that this is what they want and to deliver this message to others convincingly.

“For many youngsters now-a-days,” continues the psychiatrist, “it is not even a priority to get married and have children.” He insists that if that is a conscious and responsible choice their existence will go well and will be adequately oriented.

He recommends that parents, especially the more traditional ones, listen to their daughter’s arguments to understand the need to have their own space in order to develop and find their own identity. “Children leave the house at an early age because they are looking for their own experiences.” If they are pursuing a career that does not exist where they live, for example, they must move to another city and that implies a separation because they are going to progress.

To collect herself, to take comfort in herself, to return home after a stressful day having been in contact with many people to find an oasis in her home: these are only some of the motives that reaffirm a woman who has chosen this way of life that she has done the right thing and that this choice made her really happy.

Techniques to Enjoying One’s Own Company

  • Take on activities that you usually do not practice such as reading a book or developing some talent or hobby that is entertaining and from which you can gain some knowledge.
  • Practicing yoga, meditating or exercising physical routines where it is best to be alone to be better able to concentrate and be with herself, as well as providing the body and mind with well being are desirable activities.
  • Inviting friends and family to host the sharing and enjoyment of her space with others. Experimenting the joy of living alone but without losing contact with others.

When Is This About Isolation?

“Solitude is associated with depression when the situation has not been assumed voluntarily,” states the Psychiatrist.  When there is a state of mourning or the loss of a job, for example, the person might isolate himself. When solitude has negative effects it may lead to mental or physical disease so that professional help must be sought. “It is good to be alone, but in optimal conditions. If it is a person that has conflicts and fears, one must work with her to help withstand this solitude.”

Keep reading Learning to Be Alone as Part of Change